Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
