I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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