i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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