Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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