I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
