THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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