I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
