Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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