@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
sex in a hospital.. check
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
