so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
