He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
