well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
They took my balls.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Text me some of your sweat
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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