decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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