best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
