I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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