Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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