I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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