The maid of honor just puked.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
