yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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