How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
