rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
