I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
