Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
