my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
