Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
