Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
