just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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