Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
