Porn is love you can see.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
