How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
