Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
And then my night got REAL pukey
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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