Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
