The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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