She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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