If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
