he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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