Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
