Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
