I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
