Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
