i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
