is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
