HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
