Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
