Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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