Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
