he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
