Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
