Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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