I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
