She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
