god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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