Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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